How to Win the War Against Bullying | Israel "Izzy" Kalman

The Problem with Current Approaches to Bullying

Bullying has been a prevalent issue for years, and efforts to combat it have not been successful.
The author, a school psychologist and psychotherapist, has found simple solutions to bullying through role-playing.
The definition of bullying has evolved to include all negative behavior, verbal insults, name-calling, rumors, gestures, and social exclusion.
Bullying is not limited to schools but can also occur in workplaces and families.
The Columbine High School massacre highlighted the connection between bullying and school shootings.
Many children who commit suicide are victims of bullying.
The current approach to bullying, based on "bullying psychology," promotes a victim mentality and may exacerbate the problem.

Bullying psychology promotes the idea that individuals are entitled to a life without being repeatedly mistreated by others.
It suggests that bullying has nothing to do with the person being targeted, but rather stems from the issues of the bully.
The responsibility to stop bullying lies with the authorities, and individuals should simply report incidents to them.
However, this approach to life can lead to misery and strained relationships.
Despite efforts to combat bullying, it continues to worsen and is even referred to as an epidemic.
Children are increasingly committing suicide due to bullying, and schools face lawsuits for not adequately addressing the issue.
Research has shown that anti-bullying programs may not be effective, and schools with such programs can still experience high rates of bullying.
Anti-bullying laws aim to hold schools accountable for preventing bullying but can result in an 80 percent failure rate.
These laws make it easy for parents to sue schools, but expecting schools to completely eradicate bullying is unrealistic.
Compliance with anti-bullying laws can exacerbate the problem instead of resolving it.

Bullying can lead to serious violence if not addressed properly.
Schools should focus on being educational institutions rather than law enforcement agencies.
The solution to bullying is the Golden Rule: treating others the way you want to be treated.
Many bullying programs fail because they only focus on being nice and not being a bully.
The Golden Rule teaches how not to be a victim and how to handle mean people.
Being nice to mean people goes against our nature, but it creates a win-win situation.
Human beings are programmed for reciprocity, treating others the way they treat us.
If we live by the Golden Rule, we have more control over our relationships.
Verbal attacks are the most common form of bullying and addressing them effectively can prevent physical aggression.

Anti-bullying laws have been criticized for potentially restricting freedom of speech.
Some experts believe that freedom of speech enables bullying.
However, others argue that freedom of speech is necessary to address verbal bullying.
The Golden Rule emphasizes the importance of allowing others to express themselves freely, even if their words are offensive.
Role-playing exercises can demonstrate the impact of freedom of speech on bullying.
When individuals are allowed to freely express their negative opinions, it may not lead to a change in behavior or attitudes.
Giving someone the freedom to insult or demean others can highlight the hurtful nature of their words and make them reconsider their prejudice.
By promoting freedom of speech while treating individuals with respect, it is possible to challenge and reduce verbal bullying.